By Riker's Beard

As is the way of my people, I often leave for work in the morning without remembering to shave. I've always thought of this as a defect - the sort of thing that would disqualify me from military service. However, today I learned about a very serious physiological condition that may explain why my body subconsciously wants to grow a beard. The condition: Riker's Beard Syndrome (aka Riker's Syndrome, aka RBS)

Here is a short, eloquent explanation of RBS:

And he never shaved again.

End of explanation.

Want more? There's some doofus on the left and awesome Cmdr. William Riker on the right. Elaborate computer analysis has only been able to identify one difference between the two photos. Can you spot it?

The problem is, the only diagnostic technique I can think of for RBS requires that you (1) grow a beard, and (2) ask a trusted observer if you've got the condition. Ordinarily, this would be easy. I would get my werewolf on for a week, then ask Julie for the verdict. 

There's only one problem: Julie preferred Riker without the beard.

To be clear, the one on the left is the one without the beard. Not his left, your left. The corollary is that she refuses to acknowledge the validity of RBS - claiming, in fact, that the entire premise is flawed.

Meanwhile, I'm occasionally showing up at work looking like this:


Today, when I got to work, a dude with a beard made fun of me for forgetting to shave. Ouch.

Unfortunately, I think I'm stuck. Julie managed to create a logic trap that I can't escape. I'll live my life as an undiagnosed RBS sufferer. My dream of dominating the World Beard Championships - abandoned. Ungh.


Comments

This post seriously just made my day. Is there a known condition for lovers of RBS? Because I think my symptoms are getting worse and all my friends make fun of me for it.