My Freak Out and a Lizard Named Marvin

Today I had a full-on squealing freak out. Julie heard. I don't think the neighbors heard (I can hope anyway). I don't think the pitch of my voice ever technically got up to "little girl" but it's hard to say.

It involved a lizard. We'll call it Marvin. I won't be posting a picture of Marvin here, because, well, I'm just not ready for that yet. It looked like this:

[ Click to see a picture of Marvin's cousin. ]

The story goes like this...

Having just finished one of Julie's delicious blueberry muffins (the kind with the sugary streusel on top), Charlie patted his ample belly and emitted a satisfied sigh. It was a fine, breezy Memorial day morning and he had a few minutes to kill before heading out for a lunch bar-b-que. It was a great opportunity to do a bit of kindle reading and conditions were perfect to do so on the back porch. 
With the cat and dog in tow, a bare-footed Charlie bravely opened the first of two back doors. As he opened the outer door, the dog happily lept for sunshine, blissfully ignorant of the vile slithering menace a mere 18 inches away.
Meanwhile, always hungry for vengeance against her giant monkey overlords, a cat looked on as the terrifying lizard (known throughout the lizard community as Spooky Marvin) did what lizards do to Charlie's exposed left foot. Then came the screams...

As the dog was going out, this super scary lizard comes scurrying under the door and under my left foot. The parts of my brain that remained under my control were instantly terrified that I would accidentally stomp the poor thing and only intense Wii Fit balance training allowed me to shift my weight away and escape out the back door. The remaining parts of my brain (the un-helpful parts), decided that this would be the appropriate time to conduct a symphony of manly bellows (squeals).

Seconds later I realized that I was outside the house with the dog, and the lizard was inside with the cat (who was smirking). Julie appeared, also smirking, and after I tentatively propped open the door she asked what was up. I explained that I had just nearly been killed by a dinosaur, and she pointed out the eight inch skink cowering behind the inside door (Julie says six inches, but she's wrong). I shoed it out of the house with a notepad and that was that. No lizards were harmed.

I was very disappointed with the cat. I mean seriously, small reptile control is entirely her thing. She didn't even seem interested. Though, to be fair, she may have kept it corralled at the door and probably would have done more if not for the uncontrollable cat laughing.

It was a different experience for me. I've never had a squealing freak-out before. Yesterday I was driving with the window open and a wasp blew in and landed on my crotch. You know what I did? I said, "Hmmm." Then I pulled over and shoed it out the door. Cuz' that's how I roll... I thought.

I do admit that slitherers (I know skinks have legs, but what they do is still slithering) are waaay scarier than fliers.


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